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ON TOUR- Minneapolis 3/25-27, Oxnard CA 4/4, Chicago 4/9, Milwaukee 4/12, Irvine 4/22, NJ 5/7, Honolulu 5/20, San Antonio TX 5/29-30, Boston 6/6-7, Vancouver 6/11-6/13, Austin TX 6/19-6/20, Chandler AZ 7/9-10, Nashville 8/14-8/15, Sacramento, CA 8/27-8/29, Uncasville, CT 9/10-9/12, Dallas 9/18-9/19, Raleigh NC 10/2-10/4, San Francisco 10/7-10/10, Philadelphia 10/21, Washington DC 10/22-10/24, Baltimore 10/25, Eugene OR 11/4, Portland 11/5-11/7, St Louis 12/2, Indianapolis 12/3-12/4, Los Angeles 12/9
#comedy #standup #crowdwork #chipotle #customerservice
Transcript
Everything's stressful for me. I had a stressful lunch recently. I got lunch with my brother. We got Chipotle. I hadn't seen him for a long time. It was the first time that I realized my better, he's very embarrassing at Chipotle. He's embarrassing there because he's one of these people. He's got all these weird Chipotle hacks to get more Chipotle. You ever meet someone like this? He's got all these hacks. He's like, dude, you gotta get a bowl. You gotta get a bowl and get more food with a bowl. I'm like, this is Chipotle. How much more food do you need? He's got all these hacks. He'll always get half black beans and half brown beans, and he's convinced you can get more beans that way. He goes, they're not not a portion. They're not trained for that. And I go, what? They're not trained. They're not Navy Seals. They best fucking they just work at Chipotle. He goes, look it up. I go, look up what? What am I looking off? I tier getting mad. And we're at Chipotle, and he's got this technique. He's like, watch this. And what he'll do is he'll ask for the black beans, and then he will not ask for the brown beans until after they scoop the black beans. You do that? You fucking sicko. She patted my bad. That's you, babe. That's you, you fucking pervert. What the hell? You psycho. He'll wait for the guy to do a full scoop and then he'll go, oh, actually, can I do half and half? And and the guy no, wait, what? What the fuck? What? And I'm watching, I'm like, this is fucking embarrassing. Why are you lying for beans? Why are you running a best scheme right now? He's scamming a 16 year old for 10 beans. He's my older better, I'm like, you're my role model? What the fuck? We sit down, he's got a better with just hella best. Look bro, didn't I tell you? I'm like, I good. He's like, we got it for free. I'm like, free but at what cost though? Our morals. Now we're not going to heaven, so now what? We go up to heaven, God's like, oh hell no, bro. It's the best people. We're the bean people.
