Satirical sports news commentaryfrom @nick.knows.ball

Transcript

It's official. After thirteen months of trade drama and rumors that held absolutely no weight, Giannis Antetokounmpo has been traded to the Miami Best for a bag of basketballs and a half eaten bag of chips. Hold your applause, Heat fans. Get ready for absolutely nothing. This feels like a Black Mirror episode where things are changing, but nothing changes at the same time. In other words, Giannis Antetokounmpo is in the same situation as Milwaukee, except it's warmer and there are palm trees. This is just a team of recess bullies on defense and stonemasons on offense aside from Norman Powell, you're a bucket. But, bro, what are we doing? What are we doing Miami? Who's actually gonna score Tier Rock when you need a bucket? Alright. Let's actually look at the trade. The Bucks gave up Giannis and Bobby Portis for Tyler Herro, a few young Bucks, and three first round picks. I don't care what you think about the first round picks. They're not gonna be Giannis. Let's take a look at the potential starting lineup for next season for the Heat. I understand that's still the off season. This most likely will not be the actual starting lineup. But for the sake of the video, we got Davion Mitchell, Norman Powell, Andrew Wiggins, Giannis, and Bad. Yeah. The front court is cool. You're a six seed at best, buddy. The Miami Heat have upgraded from being a playing team every single tier to, like, three spots better. Max. I really thought the Celtics were gonna land him, to be completely honest with you. I mean, they offered Jaylen Brown into a worst round pick. Kyler Herro. My bad. Tyler Herro, you're good, but you're not Jaylen Brown. There's levels to this. I don't understand the Miami Heat's perspective of taking this trade. This was a loony tune trade package compared to the Celtics and what they had to offer. Jaylen Brown, Eastern Conference finals MVP, finals MVP, and a MVP candidate last year. Alright? This dude is a one a. He's a one a. And they offered him with two first round picks for Giannis, and they didn't take it. That doesn't make sense to me. That doesn't click. But the most important question we must ask after this trade is what is gonna happen to Tenasis and Acupo? I'm generally worried for Bro. Is he going to have a paycheck after this season? I don't know. I really don't.