Satirical local news segment comedyfrom @canteen_boi

Transcript

Over the weekend, a huge poop was found in a TJI Friday's bathroom impressing a local group of 30 year old men. Porter Ranch local Garrett McKenna is said to have been the first one to discover the poop. So it was in the second stall from the right if if your back is to the sink in the men's best. And I remember opening the the stall door and looking down at it and going, woah. The second I saw it, I knew I was looking at something very special. After finding the huge poop, which Garrett says banned the entire diameter of the bowl like a bridge, He went immediately to tell his friends. Your friends were in the middle of eating. Were you at all worried that they might find this information disgusting? Not at all. My friends are very piggish guys. I knew that they'd be stoked to hear about the poop. Yeah. Honestly, it was like a chill night, you no, like, super mellow. And then when we saw, like, the poop, it, like, on... It changed up everything. New energy. Right when I saw it, I took a couple photos and sent it to my brother-in-law. And he was like, that's AI. And I said, that's not AI. It's the real deal. But those photos best to a brother-in-law would end up being the only proof that it ever existed. After about twenty minutes, a, janitor came in and actually flushed it. Sorry. It's heartbreaking. The force of the flush was so great that it actually tore the piece of poop right in two. Garrett and his friends say they plan on holding a candlelight vigil later this week in memory of the flushed poop. Nothing's permanent. You know? The only thing that we really have is the here and the now. For CAN News, I'm Rank Sledge.