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My takes on the Diamond engagement ring:
- a sub $2k lab is the right move for most people (one of the only times i recommend quince)
- if you spend on a diamond when you could spend on a house or getting out of debt, its worth a serious conversation around values in the modern age
- if you have the money do whatever you want (althought this is one of the more ludicrous ones, choose smaller more interesting stuff from independent jewelers, live a little)
- our ego supplanting our values is natural, this calls out more that we shouldnt act like we’re steadfast in our opinions, and be open to discussing our own contradictions
as always these videos are meant to make us think about what we spend money on, why, and inspire some conversation around if we want to repeat in the future
Transcript
Would you have said yes if he didn't bring a diamond ring? There is one object in modern life where we collectively agree a person should spend a financially irresponsible amount of money on something that serves no functional purpose, and then their partner should wear it in public every single day as a symbol of their status, the engagement ring. Ring. Sociologist Thorstein Veblen wrote about the role of women as vessels for displaying their husband's economic power. The wife's clothing, her jewelry, her leisure, these were all meant to demonstrate that a man had enough wealth to support a person who didn't need to produce anything but heirs. Now we'd like to think we've evolved past the most explicit version of this, but yet the engagement ring remains. The two month salary rule was invented by De Beers in the nineteen eighties advertising campaign. There's no history or tradition. It was marketing to create a social norm around spending. It worst so well that even today, even knowing that it was produced by the diamond cartel. Now it's somehow the bottom of that scale for that poor soon to be engaged Gen z attorney best trying to make partner. He won't. The ring functions as a micro best in every social interaction. Women show their ring overtly or covertly and other women evaluate it. Not just the size, the cut, the setting, the designer, a Tiffany ring signals one thing and a vintage estate piece signals another. I bet it's a lab, they think. A lab is fine for her, but not for me. The man's doesn't better. Maybe it's rubber, maybe it's good. Although, I quite like mine from metal noir. The couple who chooses the sapphire or the emerald or no ring at all is rejecting the game. The refusal in itself is a signal of cultural capital, arguably some of the highest you can have. Oh, you don't believe in traditional gender roles? What's that on your finger? While the band may simply signal one is betrothed. Any diamond is in itself symbolic of your partner's success and if they love you enough to make money for you. How American and also somehow Chinese. What makes it uniquely durable as a status symbol is that it's worn daily, visibly, in every context. It's the only piece of conspicuous consumption that moves with you from the boardroom to the grocery tier. Doing the final work of the patriarchy every hour of every day and yet no one opts out. Maybe next century.
