@goodworkmb
Instagram · One Shot
@goodworkmb In investment banking, a large part of your reputation is built through email. Senior bankers often form an opinion of you before they ever meet you – simply by how you communicate. A few small habits can make a big difference. Here’s some. – 1. Take your sperm count out of your email signature. Despite how impressive the amount of sperm in your ejaculate may be, some may find you giving this information at the end of every email off-putting. Replace it with something more palatable, like your place of work. NO GOOD: “Sincerely, Dan Toomey. I have 350 million sperm per milliliter of semen when I ejaculate from my p*nis.” GOOD: “Sincerely, Dan Toomey. Goldman Sachs.” Keep some things to yourself. – 2. DON’T accidentally call your boss ‘mom” Senior bankers will notice if you accidentally call them mom, at which point you’ve already lost their respect. “Mommy” is even worse. Example: NO GOOD: “Hi Mom, here’s the deck with the changes you asked for.” GOOD: “Hi Darryl, here’s the deck with the changes you asked for.” This one word change can make a huge difference. – 3. Don’t marvel at the seemingly magical technology of email. Senior bankers have used email before. It is normal to them that an invisible letter can be sent thousands of miles through space, so you don’t have to mention it. NO GOOD: “Hi Darryl. How incredible it is to be sending you a missive through the sorcery of the world wide web.” GOOD: ““Hi Darryl, here’s the deck with the changes you asked for.” Act like you’ve been there before. – 4. Write words other than “money.” Don’t get me wrong, banking is about money. But it’s also about more than that. So make sure you use words other than “money” in your email. NO GOOD: “money money money money money money money money money money” GOOD: “Hi Darryl, is the money still in the bank vault?” Senior bankers will notice that you know lots of things about banking.
