Comedic guide to ordering whiskeyfrom @professorpanache

Transcript

Gentlemen, here's how to order a whiskey without sounding like a college fresher. Better begin with what not to do. Whiskey is not a gym supplement. Strength is not the point. Also, avoid whiskey with coke. Now remember, there's a particular kind of silence that falls over the bar when someone says, bro, what's your smoothest whiskey? Don't be the reason for that silence. Thank you, Rajesh. Step one. Know what you're asking for. You don't need to memorize regions in Scotland, but at least pick a direction. Scotch, bourbon, Irish. Say it like you belong in the sentence, I'll have a bourbon, please, not, what do you have? Step two, decide how you want it. There are only four acceptable answers. Neat, on the rocks, with a splash of better, in a classic cocktail. Anything beyond starts sounding like a chemistry experiment. Step three, don't perform. No swelling it like a Peaky Blinders in Bridgerton or some period drama. And definitely no sniffing like you're some Highland hound dog. Pause. Not slightly. Like a man who's made peace with his decisions. Now before the next step, a small better necessary intervention. If at any point you feel the urge to take your phone out, hang on the glass, get that dim lighting just tier, and capture a casual POV shot of your hand holding it, pause, tilt that glass down carefully, take that same hand and slap yourself hard, then put that phone away and return to being a normal functioning adult. No step four, own your taste. If you like it or die, say it. If you don't, don't pretend. The goal is not to impress tier room. It's to avoid becoming a story for the room. Remember, a gentleman always orders a whiskey like he's done it before, even if it's the first time that he has. Cheers, professor. Cheers. Cheers. This isn't strong, Radeesh.