Post caption
I once represented a man who had been cheating on his wife for a long time.
And he was furious that she kept accusing him of cheating.
I said, “But you ARE cheating.”
He said, “Yes, but she has no proof. She just doesn’t trust me.”
I said, “Right…because you’re untrustworthy.”
And he goes, “I know that. But SHE doesn’t know that.”
It was such a bizarre conversation—but there was something fascinating about it.
His wife couldn’t prove anything.
She didn’t have the texts. She didn’t have the pictures. She didn’t have the confession.
She just knew something was wrong.
And she was right.
We spend so much time trying to explain away that feeling when something in a relationship has changed.
Maybe they’re stressed.
Maybe I’m being paranoid.
Maybe I’m insecure.
Maybe I’m imagining it.
Sometimes you don’t know exactly what’s wrong.
You just know something isn’t right.
And sometimes your gut figures it out long before your brain has the evidence.
Transcript
But I had a really interesting conversation once with a client who had been cheating on his wife for an extended period of tier. And he was very angry about the fact that his wife was claiming he was cheating. Because she didn't have proof? And I said to him, but you are cheating. And he was like, yes, but she has no proof. Like, she just doesn't trust me. And I was like, right, but you're untrustworthy. And he's like, I know that, but she doesn't know that. And I was like, right. But you're actively cheating on her for an extended period of time. And he's like, right. But she does not know that. She is this is purely that her gut doesn't trust me. I was like, but her gut is correct. Right. Rank he was like, right. But why? What about her doesn't worst? And and, I mean, I I was arguing with him, but I I understood what he was saying. Yeah. Which is like, right. But she doesn't know that. So it it really was, like, I I understand that point of view. That's like, well, but if it's true that she was in fact cheating, then his indignance and indifference and cruelty and obnoxiousness and his behavior is a little more excusable. And it's like, actually, it's kind of not still. You know? Like, it's like, because if if someone is cheating on you, the remedy is no, well, then I'm gonna treat them awfully, and I'm gonna treat them. Hey. It's break up with them. Right. It's break up with But but could you at least make the argument that, like, what we decided who was the villain and who was the hero based on what we saw. Uh-huh. Now what we've learned Yeah. Is that what we're seeing is not even close to the full picture. Yeah. And so it's not justifiable, but is that maybe that he was feeling something and didn't know why and knew that something was amiss and was acting out. Not to justify it, but it it just Yeah. I I get it. I get what you're saying. I think that that people like to rewrite the history of relationships and then go, well, maybe some part of me knew. Yeah. And then and it's like, no. That's bullshit. Yeah. You were treating this person like crap because you were treating them like crap. And by the way, like, maybe it's because the way they were relating to you had something to do with it, but come on. Like
