Satirical defense of wearing sunglasses indoorsfrom @professorpanache

Transcript

So should you wear sunglasses indoors then? Yeah. That'll be a haircut, sir. Ah, yes. Thank you, Rajesh. Now understand this. It's condemned heavily by critics mostly because they themselves rank the bone structure to pull it off. So allow me then to advocate for this noble tradition with the confidence of a man who hasn't seen his own pupils since the doctor Manmohan Singh administration. Worst, understand this. Sunglasses indoors are not a fashion choice. They're a public service. They protect the world from witnessing the full intensity of your judgment. Do you really want strangers seeing your unfiltered reaction to their poor life choices? Of course no. Indoors, sunglasses function as diplomatic shields. You're a welcome society. Now consider the modern worse, screens brighter than the sun and open offices designed by perverts who hate privacy. In such conditions, sunglasses are less accessory and more personal tech. Think of them as emotional dimmers. Not ready to engage at full intensity? Slide them on and instantly reduce the world's volume by 40%. I treat them as social noise cancelling for the eyes. And at night? Well, nights are crucial for healing. The fewer details you absorb post eight pm, the better your life becomes. At night, they protect you from the greatest threats bright headlights, unflattering lighting, and conversations you didn't consent to. They're strategic self preservation. They also give you automatic plausible deniability. Did you make eye contact? Did you roll your eyes? Did you fall asleep during your date's monologue about tier Dior Lipton? Who can say? So remember this no world where everyone's oversharing, overexposed, and aggressively available, a man who shields his eyes becomes the final guardian of mystery.