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Hey, guys! Anything new on the menu?
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Today's special is an inactive charcoal latte with tahini milk.
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Ooh, sounds so good. Where do you source your charcoal?
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Is it sweetened?
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Also, is your tahini milk made in house?
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All our milks are made in house.
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Do I know you?
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No, you don't. These glasses are just really popular.
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You're the barista from next door.
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Kale.
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We aren't hiring.
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I don't need a job.
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I already work at a way cooler coffee shop.
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Excuse me?
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First you guys steal our watermelon seed milk,
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and now you're back to steal our charcoal lattes, too?
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You stole our 75% minimum tip.
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That was hardly groundbreaking.
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Baristas.
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Tranquilo.
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This is no competition.
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This borough is big enough for the both of us,
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especially because our shop is good and your shop is bad.
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You do realize we have way less customers than you, right?
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You guys have gotten so mainstream lately.
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It's kind of embarrassing.
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You're right. We do have too many customers,
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and that is exactly why we are moving to a new shop.
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You are?
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Yeah, this neighborhood isn't cool enough for us anymore.
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It's perfect for you guys, though.
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Traversing to our new shop will be inconvenient in every conceivable way.
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Except by ferry, but normies don't do that.
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Wait, but you can't leave!
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You're just mad that you won't have anyone to copy anymore.
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No, I'm serious.
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If you leave, they'll turn this into, like, a Chase Bank or worse,
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a rooftop hotel with the perfect view of Manhattan.
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This is not our problem anymore.
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We cannot heal the world.
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Please stay for the sake of this neighborhood and baristas everywhere!
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If you guys leave, I will not be okay.
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Why are you leaving anyway?
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Yesterday, a huge group of finance summer interns in vests stopped by.
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That was the bale that broke the camel's back.
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Well, good luck out there.
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I'll make sure to write you guys a bad review to start things off on the right foot.
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That's actually really sweet.
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Stay strong.
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You're one of the last self-respecting coffee shops in this neighborhood.
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And I don't take that lightly.
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I promise I'll blast techno music for the seven and a half minutes we're open every day.
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I'm gonna miss this place.
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It was our first ever coffee shop.
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No regrets lie here.
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Birthed from dust, we shall return.
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The end...
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Question mark?