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What's wrong with this place? It's not like I remembered it.
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When was the last time you were here? 1982?
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Williamsburg has changed a lot since then.
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There's a Whole Foods now.
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It's just TikTokers and finance bros.
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Oh, then heck, I'll fit right in.
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I worked on the bond desk at Merrill Lynch for 20 years.
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Can I get a pastrami sandwich?
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Mustard on rye, side of coleslaw.
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And do me a favor, make sure that pastrami is hot and fatty.
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And I'll take a chicken soup with matzo balls and noodles.
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Let me get a quarter pound of chopped liver to go.
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Don't forget the sour pickles, please.
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We actually don't have any of that.
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This isn't a deli. It's an artisanal coffee shop.
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Artisanal? What does that mean, it's kosher?
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Who's your rabbi?
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The only rabbi we know is Adam Brody.
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We only know fictional rabbis.
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Oh, no no no, you can't smoke in here.
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This isn't 1992.
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We only allow vapes.
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If I wanna light up, I'm going to light up.
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I'm a paying customer.
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You actually haven't ordered or paid.
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Fine. We'll have two bagels with Nova and lox.
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Extra salt.
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Do me a favor, go extra easy with the capers.
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Our cardiologist follows us on Instagram.
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The only bagel we have today is our gluten free chia seed buckwheat bagel with almond cream cheese.
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How much is that?
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$28.50
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With the senior discount.
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Oh, God. That might give me GI problems.
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I don't mind paying a little bit more to support local Jewish businesses.
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Doesn't look like you're doing very well here.
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We're actually not Jewish.
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What do you mean, you're not Jewish?
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What, only your father is Jewish?
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Do we look Jewish to you?
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Yes!
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Actually, I can't see that far.
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How are you guys gonna pay?
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Checkbook. How else?
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I'm not familiar with that work. Who's the author?
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Chekhov.
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I'm calling a cab.
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Oh my God, the flip phone is iconic.
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Don't be calling me iconic, please.
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Happy Hanukkah.
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Baruch HaShem.
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You know what? Let's just get the hell out of here.