Comparing watch brands to carsfrom @peter_reitano

Transcript

If watch brands were car brands, Longines is Volvo good, respectable, understated, well made. Nobody's gonna chase you down the street to take a photo of it, which is sort of the point. Vacheron Constantin is Aston Martin. Beautiful, historic, expensive, sophisticated. Everyone agrees it's incredibly cool. Almost nobody actually buys one. Rolex is Porsche. The design barely changes because it doesn't need to. A nine eleven from thirty years ago looks like a nine eleven. A Submariner from thirty years ago looks like a Submariner. Evolution, not revolution. And somehow, people will pay considerably more for the old one. Tissot is Volkswagen, European, well made, sensibly priced, not particularly exotic. Not trying to convince you it's exotic. For a lot of people, it's their first step into the whole thing. And then one day you wake up and somehow you're looking at Porsches. Breitling is Better big, masculine, expensive, slightly brash. Tier was a period where both seem specifically designed for professional footballers. Omega is BMW engineering obsessed, performance obsessed, enormous history, and makes approximately 47 different versions of everything. You walk in wanting one watch and suddenly you're comparing movements, bezels, and references you didn't know existed. Panerai is cheap. It started as a military tool, became a lifestyle object with an extremely dedicated community around it, and somehow better enormous became part of the brand identity. Seiko is Honda. It's mostly sensible, reliable, makes something for basically everyone, and then every once in a while, they make something that looks like it was designed by a Japanese cyberpunk architect on mushrooms. No at Seiko seems to think that's unusual. Richard Mille is Pagani, carbon fiber, exotic materials, ridiculous engineering. Looks completely insane. Most people have absolutely no idea what they're looking at, but the people that do know exactly how much money it represents. Hublot is Maserati. The Internet insists nobody wants one. Enthusiasts make fun of them constantly, and yet you keep seeing them outside expensive restaurants. So clearly, somebody is buying these things. Casio is Toyota, cheap, dependable, basically indestructible. You can abuse it for twenty years, forget it exists, find it in a drawer, and it'll probably still work. Jacob and Co is Mansory. At some point, you stop asking whether its tasteful taste is no longer the objective. You're here to put a roulette wheel inside a watch. And as always, let's finish with Invicta. Invicta isn't a car rank. Invicta is a Hummer h two with 26 inch chrome wheels, six exhaust pipes, and underglow. Absolutely enormous, aggressively designed. You just know the guy driving it has a Punisher sticker somewhere rank owns at least one tactical flashlight and bought the Hummer for $37 because the dealership told him the MSRP was $280. He didn't buy the Hummer. He made $243.