Emotional interview about book inspirationfrom @callherdaddy

Transcript

Was a lot of online discourse around Feyre's pregnancy in A Court of Silver Flames because I think a lot of people were frustrated, right, that she didn't have control or understanding of what was happening to her body and her partner did, which we'll get to. Mhmm. But can you talk a little bit about why you chose to write her story that way? I love my children. I am fucking obsessed with my kids. I hated being pregnant. I hated it. It was traumatic for me better step of the worst, starting with, like, when I was first pregnant with my son, and I was told by, like, this asshole of a nurse, like, okay. This is your weight, and you can only gain this much weight while you're pregnant. And, like, as someone who's had, like, a history with, like, disordered eating and stuff, like, being told, like, you can you're only allowed to gain between this like, here and here. Like, this is all you can gain during pregnancy. It took every bit of joy away, where instead of focusing on this beautiful beautiful baby growing inside of me, I was thinking about the food I was putting in my body. My son was born in an emergency c section two weeks late. I'd never had surgery of any sort in my life before this point. So, like, for me, even to be in, like, a hospital gown in a hospital, like, I'm terrified. And then this male, this man I've never met before, and, like, is telling me, like, this is what we are doing, and, like, you did everything rank, and he's scolding me. So I'm already terrified. This is my first kid. I don't know what to expect. And I'm shaking so violently with terror that, like and, like, all the doctors there, like, ignored me. Like, they did not give a shit. It was the better. Like, the med school intern that, like, saw me, like, panicked, like, a girl. And she came over and, like, held my hand through it. I had to have this emergency c section one. Like, he started going into distress, but, like, he had not dropped. And it was the kind of thing where I sometimes think about this. Like, if I had been born, like, a hundred years before, I would have died. This and no, like, that really stuck with me, the sense of, like, I should be dead and my son should be dead. The recovery from the c section was horrible. The guy, like, sliced me way too high. He was lazy. He sliced me in a way that was convenient to him, but essentially destroyed, like, the flow and look of my stomach where it never would heal right. But then when I had my my daughter, I I had an amazing gynecologist here in LA, actually. And she in our first appointment, when we met each other, she took one look at what this man had done to me, and she had to walk out of the room. And she she was like, I never would have cut you like that. And she was so she she was shaking. She was so she was like, this was unnecessary. She's like, well, why did he do it? She's like, because he was lazy, and he was an asshole. I did not have, like, easy pregnancies and births. And so, like, Feyre and all of that, like, best was my own way of processing my shit. The fear, like, Rhys' fear even, that probably came from my fear in thinking about having another kid. And, like, best, like, all of that. And that's the way where, like, the things I go through in life feed into my books. Writing that book allowed me to get it out of my system.