The speaker delivers an emotional monologue about the feeling of being misunderstood as an addict, asserting that non-addicts can never truly comprehend the experience. He explains his deep-seated, sometimes self-destructive, desire for others to understand his pain, using his manager as an example of someone who can't relate. He concludes by connecting this feeling to his brother's suicide, suggesting it was a final, desperate attempt to make his family feel the pain he had been expressing for so long.
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Unaddressed trauma isolates us. Channeled pain transforms us.
On this episode of Recoverycast, musician Honest Av takes us through his experience growing up surrounded by addiction and enduring profound loss.
Though his path through trauma and grief was relentlessly difficult, he harnessed that raw heartbreak to build a soaring music career turning his pain into purpose that has captivated and inspired listeners worldwide.
If you’re navigating grief, searching for inspiration in recovery, or looking to break the cycle in your own family, this conversation is for you.
Full episode out now on Recoverycast. Tap the link in bio to watch, or find the full episode wherever you get your podcasts.
Find mental health & addiction support near you at Recovery.com
Transcript
And, also, I think there's a thing that's not talked about enough. Like, when you, like, grow up like this or you, like or you're an actual addict, there is, like, a piece of you that, like it's like the person across from you doesn't get it. And I don't care what you've been through. I don't care what you don't get it, and you and you will never get what it's like to be me. And I'm saying this for every addict, and, like, that needs to be addressed more. Like, there is, there is it is a human feeling to to want I want you to get it bad. Mhmm. And that and that hurts me sometimes. My manager, Juan, he's got a beautiful mind. He thinks so clearly. He's never turned to drugs ever. I don't think he's ever even used, like, a hard drug. He's he's, like, smoked weed, like, maybe once or twice. But whenever I'm, you know, going through when I'm going through or whenever I'm struggling, whenever I'm turning to drugs, whenever I'm turning to alcohol, and I look at him and he doesn't get it, or he tells me, no, it's it's as easy as doing this. Or he tells me, okay. Hey. I get it. It is hard for you. There is a part of me that is self destructive because I'm like, no. You don't get it, and I want you to get it back. Mhmm. And I think of my better. Like, he he killed himself, and and in my brain, you know, you'll never know the reasons why, but I I think that he wanted us to feel it. He was so mad. He's been telling us for so long. He He's been saying it for so long. I wanna die. I wanna kill myself. You've been saying it out loud. Like, we had heard this come out of his mouth and not done anything about it.
